The other day I was with my family and my cousin mentioned that he felt that his dad was not proud of him. Immediately my reaction was,”Well, screw him! Its all about you believing in yourself!” We proceeded to talk about the adults in our lives and the ways that they have let us down. Trust me, I have spent plenty of time blaming the adults in my life for all my bad habits, for how sad I was, and being poor *sob sob* but really, none of that can be changed, which also means, you are wasting your time blaming them and/or trying to change them. Parents are imperfect people that love you very much and mean well, for the most part. Dwelling on the ways they are/were imperfect only poisons:
- The moment that is happening right now in which I can choose to enjoy them and have a good time
- Any opportunities in the future that could be enjoyed with that person that you love
You know the saying “can’t teach an old dog new tricks” or “You can’t change someone unless they want to be changed.” Yeah well, that’s my philosophy when it comes to the the individuals that I call “my family.” I also have so many great memories with them and I was told that focusing on those moments will increase the likelyhood of you looking in your past and finding things you enjoyed. Rather than punishing family with backhanded comments and general distaste for the words that come out of their mouths, try to become more aware of who they are, and work around those things so that you don’t become a victim to any of their character flaws. When I do these things with my family, i’m able to enjoy them. There are so many good things about them that I actually kind of feel guilty for even writing this.
I guess it’s time to sit down and think about those moments that get a “rise” out of me. Those things that our family members say that get us all riled up, prepare for those, and come up with a game plan. If I know I can’t settle myself and speak intellectually, well, then I better just get up and leave. There is no reason to fight over the same things over and over or to get in a fight that leads to cold shoulders. Forgive and actually forget. In those moments that someone’s character defect is going to effect you negatively, pause that situation and allow for you and the other person to chill. You and your mental health are important and people need to become more willing to step away from situations if we know they’ll put us in a bad place.
I am no angel. I know this. I need to remember the part I take in every bad situation. All of the bad situations in the past that led to my discontent. I played a part in all of them. Whether by attitude or idleness, I made decisions. In those moments, take a step back and remember that it’s okay to pause.
-The Curvy Broke Girl