One day, while I was chatting with my significant other.. We were conversing about attractive women until a comment was made that sent me into a pit of despair . It was quite honestly, overdramatic and uncalled for but completely real. We were casually talking about naughty things until he made the comment, “They are the right type of curvy.”
Geez. I didn’t know he felt a certain way about curvy girls. We had talked plenty about the ramifications of obese or unhealthy women promoting bad habits. But this was a little different. At that time, CurvyBrokeGirl was in it’s infancy and I identified as curvy. These girls we were talking about, well, they had big boobs, tiny waists, and a nice firm butt with….no cellulite. They were hairless and looked like blow-up dolls, actually. That was not what I felt like. That wasn’t my curvy.
I couldn’t get over the comment.
What exactly did that mean? Was I the right type of curvy? As far as I could see, my body didn’t look anything like theirs. What it also showed to me, was that there was some type of narrative that my boyfriend subscribed to. It seemed that my boyfriend believed that there were girls in the world that called themselves curvy and they didn’t deserve the right to. When in reality, those girls often just want a place in the world and it wasn’t about adhering to an outsiders definition of what curvy was.
I wanted to react and feel sorry for myself immediately. I was thinking, “well, I for sure don’t look like those women so he must not be attracted to my body and that THIS curvy, broke girl was mistaken about her beauty.” I started to spiral out of control with my thoughts. My boyfriend has a large friend group, and this group is filled with many beautiful girls that would absolutely fit the category of “the right type of curvy.” I dove deeply into thought of him lusting after these girls and wanting them because of their ideal (or so it seems) bodies.
However, during this entire “spiral” I couldn’t stop telling myself that I was beautiful and I wouldn’t be changing my body to fit anyone else’s standards. I believe that many men find these “ideal” curvy women to be attractive and to be completely honest, I can see why! That does not mean that I am not attractive or that I don’t deserve to be with someone that feels the same way about me. I have come to a place in my twentyfour-year-old life where I am not trying to look good for anyone that doesn’t like my type of lady. This is my body.
I eat salad
I count calories (sometimes I don’t)
I eat pizza
I snarf donuts
I lift weights
I drink coffee (like it’s going out of style)
I wear a size 10
I’m 160 lbs
I love my body
Reflecting, It’s something that I took more personally than I believe I should have. Many times, my boyfriend had told me that he loved my body…..and my boobs……and my butt. So why is there anything to worry about? Again, if this body isn’t for you, don’t let the door hit ya on the way out.
Loving yourself is a journey. YOU WILL HAVE TO WORK. You know what else you’ll have to do? Allow yourself to feel okay. On those days when you just want to scream and cry because you can’t possibly do anything more to be beautiful, watch a body positive video, post, or article.
In the words of the strong Ashley Graham,
“I am bold
I am beautiful
I am brilliant”
Self-love is a journey and I’m here to help you through the best way I can. I do my best to keep myself in check when I hear naughty, ugly words from the mean, broke girl in my head. It is so important to accept all the curvy parts of you. The parts that aren’t cute when they’re fat: the big arms, the “cankle” etcetera, etcetera. Being body positive isn’t about your body. It’s about loving or even just being “okay” enough with your body to GET THE FUCK OVER IT and start living.
-The Curvy Broke Girl
A Body Positive Blog