I have tried to do it before. I am telling you, I have struggled in the past. I went through a period in my early twenties, where I went HAM on self-improvement. I was coming from the haze of drug and alcohol abuse that was my late teens and I was pumped for a better future. So I did all of the things:
- Woke up to the “sounds of inspiration” on YouTube *eye roll*
- Tried new things
- Accepted “looking foolish” while trying new things I was scared to do
- Traveled to Oregon and California for dance
- Losing a lot of weight
- Reading COUNTLESS self-help books
and If I’m being very real, I am so thankful for the experience. I learned a lot and I did a lot of things I never thought I would. You really gotta have reverence for the old, foolish, naive you. Howevuh, now that I am just a little older and just a little wiser, I know what I did wrong back in those days and I’m going to be altering my plan
I used to sit, read, write, and practice, all of the keys to success. But I never truly believed I deserved to be that girl that was successful, and I wasn’t building my house brick-by-brick. Meaning, ONE STEP AT A TIME. First, I never saw myself as deserving a good life. I hated myself so badly. Sure, I could picture myself doing those things and going through the motions but I never believed that I actually could and or that I actually deserved to. That made it more of a daydream. I also tried to build my house “bricks-by-bricks” because I thought that I had lost so much time being unmotivated throughout my teens. So I tried really hard for two years. “White Knuckled” through the tough parts with belief that it would all work out. After two years, I broke. I broke and I couldn’t do it anymore. I was burnt out and completely shattered by it. I was depressed for a good two years after that and honestly, have just recently come out of it.
Back to visualization,
I know when something ain’t gonna work for me and you know what ain’t gonna work for me? Creatively visualizing myself for 30 minutes on my bed. That will most certainly turn into 30 seconds of me creatively visualizing myself, then looking around my room, drinking some water, watching Ellen, playing with my belly fat, etcetera, etcetera.
I came up with a new plan that is still kind of hard but much more manageable:
Opened up Spotify, and chose songs that were close to five minutes a piece. I picked six areas of my life that I wanted to improve, kept details of those situations in mind (smells, sounds, textures, etc) and did my damnedest to stay focused. It’s going to be a struggle because that is not my strong suit but it is much more manageable than “30 minutes of visualization.”
Also, I tried the “instrumentals” thing. I tried that for one day and guess what? Didn’t work. Guess instrumentals from Christmas movies aren’t my jam after all *eye-roll* Should have known. One thing did actually stir me, howevuh. I played EDM. I played music I actually liked, with only the instrumentals. No slutty voiceovers on top (still love you doe). Something really crazy happened. I got goose-bumps. That is when things actually changed. I struggled with it. I visualized the same thing, to one EDM song that worked out for me. I struggled much more in the beginning but I got better as time went along and because I saved my favorite songs for creative visualization, I added an extra sense of excitement for that moment.
I hope that this message finds you well, and if you’d like to take a look at my visualization playlist on Spotify or leave any suggestions, get at me.
-The Curvy Broke Girl